Tuesday, July 12, 2011

Corpus

Perhaps
It is a flaw in my character
That I am always examining

Even my children say I think too much
But surrounded as I am by paramecium
It remains a source of pride

A dear friend tells me terrible news
And as her world falls down around her
I understand what Tori meant when she said
Little Earthquakes
I feel the tremors
See the cracks in her wall
And I file it away for later contemplation

This
Is what
I
Do

Sometimes I feel like a rogue protozoan
I tumble among the organelles
Wrong-shaped
My purpose unguessed-at
No organ
No system
Without the good grace to even die in a timely fashion
Never even considered for mass production
Nowhere virulent enough to survive

This is my mutation, then
I am a thinking cell

Emboldened by daylight he came at me
He did not leave a note
His eyes were full of dollar signs
His hands were grasping clawlike
Some know he was a murderer
Some know he was a martyr
Some know he was a symptom
And only a few suspect
That he was a white corpuscle
Unknowing against the aberrant gene

Oh, to tear apart my host
To dance naked                                                                                                                      
Wallow in its fever dreams
To feel it spasm
Retch and die
To scream at its marrow while the cops stop coming
Because there just isn’t strength any more
Body
Body
Hated body
I want to feel its nerves cauterized in agony
I want to see its muscles torn from convulsions
And the body
The hated hated body
Broken up
Its organs parted out by monsters
Smaller
More deserving and kinder
Its illusions rotted away

But I know myself too well
And once begun it would never be enough
You could lift me up in the arms of your god
To see all of you spread out below
Writhing and foaming and full of sputtering flame
Cities dying
Seas rising up devouring
Fire and water and the hungry opening earth
And it would never
Never
Never
Be enough

There is a horseman inside of me
Stop giving me temptation

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