Once upon a time, Calvin and Hobbes were moonlighting with Susie Derkins, riding around in Calvin’s wagon...
(Scene: Calvin and Susie are riding in a wagon together, rattling at high speed through the untamed woods. Calvin is trying to explain his and Hobbes’ games to Susie, without success. Hobbes is tucked behind them.)
Calvin: . . . because scientific progress goes boink.
Susie: It does not!
Calvin: It does so. You just don’t understand ‘cuz you’re a girl. So you hate science.
Susie: Right. I’m sure I’m gonna discuss human progress with a person who refers to the act of scientific discovery as “boinking.”
Calvin: See, see what I mean? Right away, you get all stiff and tense.
Susie: No, no, no. Not right away. And not with everybody. Just you. You make me stiff and tense because you’re weird.
Calvin: I make you stiff and tense because I’m the only person you know who can invent things, and you’re jealous.
Susie: You are not. And I am not!
Calvin: Name one.
Susie: Um . . . Mister Bun.
Calvin: That stupid rabbit’s not a scientist. Name someone who really invents things. Big things. Important things.
Susie: I will not.
Calvin: Because you can’t. Because there is no one.
Susie: I’m not listening to you.
Calvin: Because it makes you crazy that the whole scientific community is out there boinking, the whole world except you.
Susie: Not a single word. Not a single word.
Calvin: Because scientific progress goes boink.
Susie: Shut up.
Calvin: (considers the moment carefully, then speaks) Boink.
(Susie glares at him.)
(Susie concentrates on steering the wagon down a steep hill, trying to ignore him.)
Calvin: Boink. Boink. Boink. Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink . . .
Susie: Stop it, Calvin!
Calvin: Can’t you hear them out there?
Susie: I’ll tell your mom--
Calvin: Boink, boink, boink, boink . . .
Susie: You don’t knock it off, I’m throwing you out!
Calvin: Listen, I can hear ‘em! Boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boinkity-boink, boink-boink-boink-boink-boink . . .
(Susie squeals the wagon to a halt at the base of the hill, and Calvin flies out onto the sidewalk head over teakettle)
(The wagon tears away)
Calvin: (stands up, dusts himself off) Was it something I said?
Susie: (wagon is still speeding away) Jerk.
(Calvin & Hobbes were created by Bill Watterson, and wherever he is in his well-deserved privacy, we do say thank you; Grown-up pic with Hobbes and transmogrifier is courtesy of offbeatbride.com, with special congratulations to the gentleman and lady shown here who were married in a Calvin & Hobbes themed wedding on July 6, 2012. May the dreams you build together always be powerful and free. All rights reserved by those who rightfully reserve them.)