Illuminati

 

There are one hundred and eight beads in a Buddhist’s mala.

I am told there are no coincidences. I am told this as proof of the Reptilians, and of their plans for world domination as revealed by the writings of that old prophet, Robert E. Howard.

I am Illuminatus.

This is the Law of Threes. My sensei tells me that there are one hundred and eight pressure points in the human body. So far, I have found only nine: the square of the third prime number. Nine is a potent number, but not completion. One hundred and eight reduces numerologically to nine.

In German, nine is a negation. Buddha had a hundred and eight statements of negation, and Jesus had twelve disciples. Jesus was a Buddha. Nine times twelve is a hundred and eight, so I know it is true.

I am told there are no coincidences.

This is the Law of Fives. There are seven letters in the name Axl Rose. Axl Rose is an anagram for Oral Sex. That means sixteen-year-old Sharon E. looked down on him and thought of cunnilingus. Sixteen reduces numerologically to seven, the fifth prime number. 

Sixteen is also the square of four… which, times forty-five, is a hundred and eight. Forty-five is nine times five. Robert E. Howard was first published at the age of twenty-three, which reduces numerologically to five.

I am told there are no coincidences.

There are one hundred and eight cards in the ancient Greek card game, Uno. This is because all the ancient Greeks were Buddhists. Penelope had one hundred and eight suitors, until the day that Odysseus returned and reduced them numerologically to zero. If we had only stuck to cunnilingus, we wouldn’t be in the boat we’re in now, and we would all be illuminated.